Hey guys, my new zine is available now, for only £3!
32 pages of all my artwork and written pieces about coping with depression and anxiety.
It's a limited run of 50, all hand-stamped and numbered.
Obviously, it's a subject that is very important to me; I feel like social anxiety as held me back so much, in terms of my illustration career and this is me addressing the problem head on. It's a definite passion piece and I'd love to be able to do more issues in the future, so if you spare a couple of shiny internet pennies they will go straight towards new art projects. xo
This week I was asked by my amigos in Drawstring to design a tape cover for a collection of their first three tapes. I've combined the three characters from One, Two and Three, and had the most fun doing it. Revisiting previous drawings is something I like to do from time to time, and I think it ties the collection up nicely. Thanks again to Ben and Sam for getting me involved, I feel like part of the band! haha xo
I'm happy to be drawing again this week after two months of just painting. Did a mural, and a deck for the Vans Deck Show II next week. Of course i'm very happy to have done both, but having the attention span of a toddler, I like to be able to whip something up in a day or two. hope you're well if you're here xo
Most of my stuff I just draw from nothing and see what I get, sometimes it's nothing and sometimes it might be something I like. This guy I drew a while a go and liked but wasn't sure what to do with him so I put a pin in him, then revisited him a while later to do the background. I like to put some guys aside unfinished just for when I'm having a bit of a block, so i've always got something to do. xo
These two carry on with what i was talking about previously regarding depression. The feeling that if someone were to crack your head open it'd be hollow and all your thoughts, colourful or otherwise, would spill out onto the floor. They're fun to draw and mean very much to me, and hopefully to you xo
This picture represents when I first approached a doctor about suffering from depression. A lot of people I've spoken to seem to swear off the thought of taking anti-depressants before they've even tried, which is understandable, I was the same for years. Nobody likes the thought of feeling dependant on chemicals. I got to the point where I would literally do ANYTHING to try and conquer the way I felt. Therapy, drugs, a fucking lobotomy, I was so low I'd give anything a go.
I think most people think that the drugs control your brain, you become a robot and lose all personality, which isn't the case at all. In my experience they simply put up an invisible wall in my head to stop the most horrible thoughts, freeing up some space for me to breath and focus on more positive things, or just more everyday type thoughts. They helped. They still do for the most part, and now I'm more in tune with my body and mind to recognise those days where I may need a little more or a little less. Most importantly, I will NEVER quit completely without returning to my GP to discuss it because if I am going through a long period of feeling fantastic, it is most likely that the drugs are helping!
This picture represents that period of transition when I first started on them. There was a strange feeling of disengagement or numbness. It was the first time in my life where I felt my mind and my body as two separate things, my mind felt like it was rattling around lose in my body and could float off at any given second. i could be in a conversation with someone and hear everything as if I were deep under water. It was a strange old time, but if I hadn't gone through it I could be dead, so I'd say it was the right choice, and now I take everything a day at a time.
it can be a hard hard struggle to not let negative thoughts and anxieties build up until they spill out of you in a horrible manner, in ways that you can't describe or convey properly because you don't understand yourself. it's hard to not let everything push you into a corner and make you want to give up. everything is fucked, everything is unfair, everything is against you, everything is hard, you're alone and no one understands.
Mr Hedgehog is my fourth installment in my Learning To Grow series. Having an allotment is the funnest thing i think i've ever been part of and i never truly realised how great it could be until i saw it all first hand. the sheer imagination that goes into each person's space is incredible and inspiring. i'm very slowly learning how to garden, and have mainly spent the last year building raised beds, fixing sheds etc. the thing i love most about it is the higgle-de-piggle-de nature in which you can approach it all. it's D.I.Y. but there's no rules, no measurements, no restrictions, just fun-ness.
i'm going to write poems to go alongside these pictures to encourage everyone to give it a go themselves because it really has given me a new outlook on life, and after battling depression pretty much my whole adult life, i'd say the allotment has been the best therapy i've had. it's a constant reminder that fun and happiness can be had without having to spend any money, that human interaction is bullshit*and that there are endless possibilities to what we can do creatively if we're left alone without the everyday distractions of life.
i hope you enjoy these pictures as much as i enjoy drawing them. i hope they inspire you to put your computer down and go out gardening**
*human interaction is not bullshit, sometimes you just need a break from it, you know? **but pick up your computer once you're done and come back and see more of my drawings. irony. xo